Jennie Smash

I’m working at home today, for several reasons: 1) I’m feeling a little meh, not sick exactly, just in serious need of vitamins, echinacea, and repose; 2) it’s gross out; 3) I have a business trip later this week, and I need to get ready for it; and 4) I can.

However, here’s what you should not do, when feeling meh: Walk seven blocks to Starbucks, in the rain, to get your morning coffee — without an umbrella. Yeah, I’m a genius.

Part of the problem is that I have lost every single one of my umbrellas. When I moved here, I had four, at least. Now I have none. This is because I leave them places. Like bars. The other part of the problem is that I’m a genius, as previously stated, above.

About three blocks into my walk, I realized that I was extremely damp, like hair-running in rivulets, clothes hanging off me like 400-lb. weights, kinda damp. So I sought refuge under an awning. (This after checking two convenience stores to see if they sold umbrellas, but no go. C’mon people. You’re missing a big opportunity here! I totally would have spent ten bucks for an umbrella this morning, without even complaining about it.)

While I was standing there, dripping and miserable, a boy sidled up to me, still holding his umbrella, which I should have stolen, and smiling hopefully.

“You sure are wet!” He said, voice cracking. I looked at him from under a snarl of hair. He was about 20 years old, probably a college student, and maybe he was just trying to be nice. Unfortunately, I wasn’t feeling especially nice.

“Erg,” I said. And ran back into the rain, where at least I wouldn’t have to participate in a Sex Ed class.

Later, back at my apartment, I IMed Sean to tell him that, a) much like a turkey, I am too stupid to come in out of the rain, and b) this dude tried to pick me up, maybe, when I was at my very least attractive and most cranky, and what is the matter with people?

“Twenty years old?” Sean said. “Please. He couldn’t pick up a shoe. He’s just trying shit out. Actually, now that I know how old he was? I have a lot more respect for him. Good for him!”