Jennie Smash

By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

·

A Brief Note on the Whole Beauty Thing…

…and then I’ll stop being a girl. I had a boyfriend once who told me, lovingly, “You’re not classically beautiful. But I find you quite attractive!” I broke up with him about two weeks later. The whole beautiful thing is very hard on us girls, but you know that, so I won’t bore you with…

…and then I’ll stop being a girl.

I had a boyfriend once who told me, lovingly, “You’re not classically beautiful. But I find you quite attractive!” I broke up with him about two weeks later.

The whole beautiful thing is very hard on us girls, but you know that, so I won’t bore you with yet another litany of our hardships. I’ll just say this: The cure for worrying about this shit is moving to New York. There are so many ridiculously beautiful people of both (perhaps I should say “all”) genders here, that you’re never going to compete. After about three weeks of freaking out about my clothes and my hair and my lack of accessories, I decided to just paint my toenails and let it go.

The end result of this is that I’ve become a lot more confident. Mrs P has always said that I dress like an anime superhero, what with my t-shirts and short skirts and sturdy sneakers and crazy hair and bright colors, and she’s right. So I’m just embracing it. If anyone can tell me where I could get some bullet-proof cuffs or perhaps a Lasso of Truth, I’d be most grateful.

(A note to comicbook nerds: Yes, I know Wonder Woman isn’t anime. Calm down. This is why you’re finding it so hard to meet girls.)

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Responses to “A Brief Note on the Whole Beauty Thing…”

  1. Megs

    Pow pow! It’s JennieSmash, the ultimate anime superhero! And as far as Wonder Woman is concerned, it doesn’t matter what category she fits into. What girl didn’t wish she could have been Wonder Woman when she was little? In fact, I still do.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me. The world needs superheroes. Also? Wonder Woman was the hotness when I was growing up. Grrrrrowl!

    Sean

    Reply
  3. Mark

    Apologies in advance, but I don’t get it. “Classically beautiful” means you look like this dame, right? There are plenty of girls that are very beautiful and don’t match the Greek definition. It’s not a derogatory thing; it’s just saying “you don’t look like that old statue”. So what’s wrong with not being “classically beautiful”?

    Reply
  4. jayman

    Not having your bracelets explains the frequent rage.

    Mark, I’d assume it’s not so much what the guy said, as how he said it. Sure it’s a compliment (kinda), but it’s not exactly the kind of thing a girl wants whispered in her ear. Leave the Greeks out of it if you want a chance to play with the Trojans.

    And Jenny, confidence is the sexiest thing that a woman can put on.

    Reply
  5. Megs

    Yeah, I know the guy who said that, and he totally didn’t mean it as a compliment. In fact, I believe it was a deliberate attempt to insult Jennie and bring her down to his level. Unfortunately for him, all the insults in the world couldn’t bring her down to his stanky ol’ depths.

    Reply
  6. Jennie SMASH!

    Jayman is totally right, as usual. He didn’t mean, “Hey, you have arms!” He meant, “You’re not really pretty, but *I* think you’re pretty. So you should just have sex with me. No one else. Just me. No one is even interested, do you hear? NO ONE! LA LA LA, LOOK AT ME.”

    Reply
  7. Mark

    Heh. Gotcha. No complaints here, then.

    Reply

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