Today’s Epiphany

If people could see me eat when I’m alone, no one would ever ever want to kiss me again. They might not be able to look me in the eye, even. It’s that gross. I just ate half a box of crackers with a jar of salsa and half a jar of sour cream. I eat like a bulimic, except without the purging part. When I was done eating, I sat there slack-jawed and looked around me in horror. There were crumbs EVERYWHERE. On my bed, on my shirt, on my knees. The soles of my feet. In my hair. In the blinds.

I swear to God it looked like Cookie Monster had just blown through.

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8 thoughts on “Today’s Epiphany

  1. there is something not so erotic about getting into bed only to find you are laying in a pile of crumbs and rancid sour cream.

  2. Mwahahahahaha! It must be a Hubley thing. I am not allowed to have the box or container of anything sitting in front of me, or I will eat the whole damn thing in some sort of blind, demonic fury.

  3. Thanks for a much needed genuine laugh out loud.

    Were they wheat thins? They were wheat thins, weren’t they? Dastardly.

  4. You have no idea how attractive that makes you. Women who eat lustily are as rare as dancing meerkats – and twice as adorable.

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