Liar liar liar(s)!

OK, considering that my last two posts were about my eyebrows and my pants, it’s kind of silly that I’m about to pick on people for vanity. However, I don’t intend to let that stop me.

In the course of my Internet stalking — you know the drill: you start with Google, go to Friendster, then to MySpace, and so on — I recently discovered two friends of mine from college who are currently claiming to be 26 years old. One neglected to change her high school information, which made it appear as though she had graduated from high school when she was 16.

I can understand getting nervous around your birthday, or worrying about clocks both biological and career, but c’mon. Lying about your age? What are we, celebrities now? What’s next? Botox? I swear to you that if I find out that anyone I went to school with has already had cosmetic surgery to stave off the ravages of time, that I will out them in this space. Especially if it’s me. I’ll tell you all about it, then.

(Brief aside: A short time ago, my friend Brian asked me if I’d had breast reduction surgery. I used to be about 30 pounds heavier, and therefore, was larger in the chestral region. I assured him that I had not had any surgery, that I had, in fact, gotten smaller everywhere. When he looked unconvinced, I said, “Brian, how long have you known me? If I’d had breast reduction surgery, don’t you think I would have told you all about it, in nauseating detail?” That convinced him.)

Anyway, I vote for honesty on the age issue. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve managed to make it this far without being murdered by a customer service representative. Let’s celebrate our years! Who’s with me?

OK, just me then. No big.

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9 thoughts on “Liar liar liar(s)!

  1. 31 and counting. If I can comfort myself for a second, it was kinda nice to go from my LATE 20s to my EARLY 30s. It’s also kinda nice to wave your crank in the face of time. I may be drunk right now.

  2. I’ve certainly never lied about my age. Not in all my 21 years. Ahem, what? Just challenge me. Go ahead. I dare you.

  3. i think the bigger issue is what 30 year old (or close to 30) is posting on mysace? I think you had a brief experience with myspace, didnt you? i know a girl (korean) who dated a guy in a band, and when she told me about him, and i subsequently googled him, i found that both he and his band had myspace pages. And low and behold, both he and the band had a large following of teenage (ok, MAYBE 20 or 21 years old) asian girls.

    i told her, she called him out on it, he said the myspace thing was old, that he didnt use it. ahhh, but the beauty of the internet is that that info is all tracked, and reported online, for anyone to see. so she was able to see his online “chat” with some of the groupies from 2 days prior.

    that was the last of band boy.

  4. I only recently, as in a couple months ago, discovered My Space. Why? Because of Nine Inch Nails’ official website!
    My pals, shocked at my ignorance, quickly exlained the heinousness that is apparently My Space, and I decided upon Blogsome instead.

    -Jolly Cass

  5. Types of 30-year-old people who post on MySpace:

    1) Perverts.
    2) The extremely social.
    3) Internet stalkers.
    4) NIN fans.

    I am #2 and #3. But I do take your point, Anonymous the first.

  6. Also, Dave: I thought the courts had forbidden you from waving your crank in people’s faces. Do you want to wind up wearing that electronic ankle bracelet again?

  7. 27 going on 28… I think. The other day I swore I was 25 or 26. I had to do the math, 2005-1977…

    yikes… wasn’t I supposed to be someone wicked famous by now?

    –David in CA

  8. I am 27. My bartender is in his late 30s, but I am under strict instructions to tell any hot girls who ask that he is my age.

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