Bring me the ax!

I’ve let a few things slide lately, because I’ve been so busy. My eyebrows are probably not the most earth-shatteringly important item on that list, but you have to trust me when I tell you that it’s better if I stay on top of them. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and if I’d been wearing a beard and making a stern expression, I would have looked just like my Dad doing his Sean Connery impression. Needless to say, I shrieked and started digging through the medicine cabinet for the tweezers.

I do my own eyebrows, because I’ve seen one too many waxing accidents, because my eyebrows are kind of a weird shape, due to a bar-related injury from some years ago, and because I am cheap. Generally, this works out just fine. I get to keep a few hairs over each eye and all the money in my wallet (both dollars). Sometimes, though, things don’t work out and I take too much, or more from one brow than the other, and I wind up looking like kewpie doll.

The bald brow look doesn’t even bother me as much as the possibility of winding up lopsided. A couple years ago, I plucked my eyebrows unevenly and didn’t realize I’d done it until I was at dinner with my mother and she stopped mid-sentence and said, “Are your eyebrows uneven?”

A few tears and blusterings later, she said, “OK, OK, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I just … thought you should know. I don’t know why I said anything at all.”

“I don’t know why you did, either,” I said, through gritted teeth. “When you know how crazy I am.”

So, my point is, I’m a little crazy about my eyebrows. And, you know, just in general.

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4 thoughts on “Bring me the ax!

  1. So I’m getting a manicure (which is largely a preventative measure in hopes of keeping my fingers out of my mouth) and the nail-doer lady asks me if I’d like an eyebrow wax.

    This, of course, leads to immediate panic followed by weeks of obsessive and compulsive tweezing.

    Just thought I’d share. No reason you should feel so all alone.

  2. Oh my God! The same thing happened to me a couple of years ago! I have like four blondie blonde hairs over each eye, and the manicurist peered at my forehead and asked me if I wanted my eyebrows waxed. I was like, “No! …How much is it?” I came out of that place looking like my sixth grade Social Studies teacher. In case you’ve never met her and are wondering, that is not good.

  3. On an unrelated subject, I find that every time I’m clicking over to visit your site, I say “Jenneee” outloud kind of the way Forrest Gump would say it. Just thought I’d share.

  4. I like to darken the suckers, I want to look like a ventriloquist’s dummy without a hand up it’s rear.

    –David in CA

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