Monstah

Last night, I went to see the Red Sox play the Pirates at Fenway. My friend Matt had free tickets, which isn’t strange for him. Matt is one of those people that seems to fall into good shit all the time. You know the expression, “Money doesn’t grow on trees?” Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the local dogwoods started sprouting twenties around this character. He’s just lucky.

For example, last night, after meeting up at a conveniently located dive, we took our tickets in our hot little hands and trotted over to Fenway to wait in line for our grandstand seats. While we were waiting, Matt pointed to the security guy taking tickets at the front of the line next to us. “Hey!” He said. “I know that guy. We have to go get in his line.”

So we shuffled over to this guy’s line to say hello. He didn’t notice us until we were at the very front, but when he did, his face lit up. “Matt! Man, how are ya? I haven’t seen you in months. What are you doing now?”

“Oh, you know, band stuff. Construction. I cut my hand open today.” He held up his awkwardly patched hand. We’d been discussing, on the way over, whether he should have stitches. I was voting yes, because I’m a girl. He was voting no, because he had no health insurance.

“That’s great, great,” He said. “Hey, stand over here a sec.”

We moved over to the side, to let people pass, I thought. Then he leaned down and said, in a whisper, “You guys want to go sit on the Monster?”

The seats on the Monster are a relatively new innovation at Fenway. There used to just be a big ol’ net up there. Now there are sorta pricey seats with an amazing view of Johnny Damon’s beehind. We even found a place to sit for the first three innings. This made us feel very impressive and rich.

“Would you care for another premium beer?” I asked Matt.

“Why yes, I would care for another premium beer, thank you, ma’am.”

“My, it’s a lovely day to sit on the Monster, isn’t it?”

“Oh, yes, it is a lovely day. But then, every day is a lovely day to sit upon the Monster.”

Johnny Damon aside, the view from up there is amazing. I couldn’t believe it. It looked like baseball in movies. It looked like a postcard of summer.

“Matt?” I said. “This is the best moment of my life.”

He smiled a lucky smile. We didn’t have to go back to standing room until he left to use the bathroom.

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