Home remedy

I am pizzausted, my little pals. The past week or so has been packed with interviews and paperwork and actual work, and really, it’s amazing you’ve heard from me at all.

To repay me for entertaining you (and when I say “entertain,” you may feel free to read “begging for attention and then acting like I gave you something”), I’m asking you to send me a few home remedies for exhaustion. These can’t be the usual suspects — coffee, cold water on the face, exercise — nor can they involve illegal substances.

Post any and all suggestions in the comments. I need your help, friends.

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13 thoughts on “Home remedy

  1. Mix lots of sugar with lots of caffenated soda, then end up sitting behind 7-eleven talking to yourself.

  2. I have no remedy for your exhaustion. But I would like to thank you for contributing to the delinquency of our future generation. You see, my young brother posted the last comment at 12:34 PM (9:34 AM pacific time), which is about an hour into his school day. So instead of lerning (like I did at his age), he is reading your blog. Way to go, Jennie. Way to go.

  3. When I feel exhausted:

    (1) Tea. None of that super-rush and let of coffee. Oolong preferred but black is beautiful.

    (2) Excermasize. A quick fifteen minute walk is rejuvinating.

    (3) Music. Dance your hiney off. May I recommend The New Pornographers “Electric Version” but definitely not anything by the Cocteau Twins.

    (4) Find something to be agry at (preferrably someone within close proximity) and really let them have it.

    I love you.

    –David in California

  4. nothing a good blackout can’t cure… and by that I mean drinking til you forget why you started drinking in the first place… and by that I mean Jack Daniels

    by the time you wake up after a good 12 hours of coma-like sleep you’ll have forgotten all about being exhausted

  5. David! Hello! I love you, too. How’s California?

    Anonymous: I don’t think my poor old stomach could take Jack Daniels anymore … although I recall drinking a lot of it in college. By your calculus, recalling that means I didn’t drink enough.

  6. Since you don’t want the usual suspects, I assume you know that the best way to feel rested is to eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep.

    If you start your day like a fireball, and crash around lunch, you could try to use less caffeine (like … none). And less sugar too. Especially in the morning. If you can’t give up caffeine totally, then at least wait until lunch. It’s not a short term fix, but it’s better in the end.

    Or…

    Buy yourself some Shower Shock soap. Mix Jolt cola 50/50 with “tar”. (Brew a pot of coffee, put instant coffee in the pot you brew into, and then put that in a pot with a 5 lb. bag of sugar and a bottle of Hersey’s chocolate syrup. Simmer it to really thicken it up. If the spoon you stir it with stands up on its own, you made it right.)

    Masturbate in the bathroom at work for a quick pick-up. Look for a seedy gas station that sells ephedrine tablets. Eat 200-400 mg of ephedra and hold on for the ride. (Or just eat.. like.. 7 sudafed, 3 with breakfast and 4 with lunch.)

    Hope you’re feeling better soon!

  7. wow, I was just going to go with the pilates remedie, but the bar of soap with tar and sugar and coffee sounds just as good if not more speedy. Maybe you could do the pilates and then take a shower with the soap and then roll arround on a hardwood floor strewn with tacks and then take another shower (with said soap) to rinse off;). Honnestly though, I hope you feel tres joli tut suit! bon chance ma cousin. Love Nelly Woman

  8. you really shouldn’t be letting your stomach be making those important life decisions for you. maybe you should have left your stomach back in college.

    Sidenote: Jack also doubles as a wonder cure for the common cold. but you have to be sure to administer a high enough dosage or you’ll just end up pissing the cold off. practice makes perfect!

  9. First of all, screw actual work. Procrastinate! Okay, maybe not the best idea. From my experience, the best thing to do is to take a short cold/lukewarm shower. That’s pretty much cold water on the face, I suppose, and even more time consuming. So I guess that didn’t help at all. *shrugs* I have no idea.

  10. Every time I hear the word pilates I think of Sophia Lopez from Nip/Tuck.

    Her (his?) voice kicks ass.

  11. Best remedy? Start thinking about all the things that can go wrong. You’ll be so alert after that. Like, is this meat cooked properly? Did I turn off the stove? Did I remember to send in that VERY IMPORTANT COURT DOCUMENT THAT WAS DUE YESTERDAY?

  12. Since this was posted about two weeks ago, I may have lost the “exhausted” audience. I work 70 hours a week and still try to drink/socialize five nights a week, taking one week off a month. I also don’t drink coffee.
    Soooo….here’s what I do:
    In the PM, trying to rally to see friends, party, etc:
    Begin the get-readying with 20-minute disco nap. Set the cellphone alarm, whatever. You don’t have to actually sleep, but let that body rest.
    Next, play Thunder Road or whatever all-time motivational song works for you, REALLY LOUD. Skip around the house. Sing with the music. It works, trust me.
    Consider a Tazo Awake tea. Pound it. Wait for the caffeine to kick in. Avoid Red Bull, no doz, etc. like the plague.
    Finally: I went out most every night in the summer of 2004. As in, I went to bed between 1 and 3am five or six nights a week and got up between 6:30 and 8, depending on the schedule. I found that if I had the rare opportunity to sleep in, it made it worse. Consistency works best. If you have a tough week, just make sure to get the same amount of sleep each night. Even if it’s only five hours. Even if you get a free night and want to crash early. Stay up. Your body clock will thank you. And I should know. I work with some seriously unfriendly fluorescent lights!

    Good luck to my new fave blogger.

    A soul sister in Chicago!

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