I have figured out everything, so listen up:

My sister informed me yesterday that when a guy says, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” what he really means is “I’ll call you someday.” She’s married, so she should know.

My point is this: I have completely figured out why my otherwise wonderful friends occasionally date assholes who turn out to be crazy. (I’m including myself in this. Boy oh boy, am I ever.) Here’s why: Because the average boy is so mellow when it comes to communicating with the object of his lust and/or affection, that it can drive even the most well-sorted out woman crazy.

This calls to mind a comedian I saw on TV not so long ago, a very 1980s style, “aren’t periods a pain and aren’t men irritating” type of female comedian. She had this whole routine about having dated a guy who didn’t call her for two weeks. She pined and moped and whined to her friends. And then she moved on. Starting dating someone else. And a month later, he called, wanting to go out on Friday night. He was shocked to discover that she thought they’d broken up.

In my own life, I’ve dated so many boys who’ve just sort of gone poof!, that it’s made me inclined to overlook obvious signs of craziness in other boys, who were more willing to call me their girlfriend and make time for me. “You actually want to, like, go out? NO SHIT. Man, I didn’t think they made your kind anymore.” All the while gazing at this obvious serial killer as if he were a unicorn or other mythical creature.

Then, a few weeks later, Prince Crazypants is all, “WHERE WERE YOU AND WHO WAS THAT GUY?” when you were either asleep or hanging out with your gay cousin, and you realize, oh. You’re not a mythical creature. I have seen your kind before, and heard of you in stories, as well as enjoying popular representations of your nuttiness on programs such as “Law & Order.”

So I guess what I’m saying is, it’s easy to meet fraidy-cat boys, and psycho boys, but not so easy to meet someone in between. Which should come a no surprise to anyone who is dating anyone of either gender, actually. So never mind what I said. I’ve figured nothing out. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Published by Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

I'm a freelance writer and editor.

4 thoughts on “I have figured out everything, so listen up:

  1. I’m in a similar predicament with a guy. Aren’t we all?

    Sometimes I wonder if us girls are as crazy as these guys.

  2. Speak for yourself. I’m not crazy. Why? What have you heard? And who told you?! I’ll rip their tits and/or nuts off!

    Oh. Ahem. Hee hee.

  3. While we’re in the business of quoting comedians “I used to think I was a bit crazy. Then I met every woman I ever dated.”

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