Your blog sucks!

There are few hard and fast rules for bloggers, but one of them seems to be “never address an anonymous post from someone who thinks you suck.” But we’re all about breaking the rules here at the Smash, so let’s tackle my latest piece of hate mail, shall we?

This morning I got up, rubbed the sleep from my pretty pretty eyes and stumbled over to the computer as I usually do. (Yes, I do this before I pee. Yes, I should probably see a cognitive therapist of some sort.) In my inbox I found, along with the usual come-ons from manufacturers of cut-rate Viagra, a notification of the following comment:

This site hasn’t been good in months. What the hell is wrong with you? Sporadic posting, impersonal ranting, list after list after list after list. What happened to the self depricating [sic] story telling? When did JS turn into Spice World the blog and why?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Girl Power!

Now, I have no idea what this means. My friend Ilisa has suggested that perhaps this poster thinks I dress up in stupid outfits and very tall shoes and sing bad pop songs poorly. Also that I am stuck in, what, 1996? But underlying the head-scratching metaphor is a pretty simple idea: your blog sucks!

I’d love to sit here and tell you that I’m a big girl and it didn’t hurt my feelings, but let’s be honest: if I were a big girl, I probably wouldn’t have a blog in the first damn place. One of the interesting, or at least universal, things about bloggers is that we seem to be fairly sensitive souls. The question of what, if anything to do about negative comments, is a tricky one, and we deal with it in a variety of ways:

1) Turn off comments. This won’t work for me, as I am part of the breed of blogger that is doing this at least in part for instant gratification. I hate the mean comments, but I love the compliments. Go on and scoff if you must.
2) Delete the mean comments; keep the compliments. This seems like cheating to me.
3) Ignore the whole thing, compliment and comment and just let it go. Too mature.
4) Obsess over negative comments, deciding that they are in fact a signal of the decline of your site as a whole, that in fact you’ve never had any talent at all, and that what little you had is now used up. Also, your friends who say otherwise? Just need that paycheck that your parents send them to be friends with you. I like this option. I think it’s the one for me.

Anyway, my real point is that I don’t actually think this anonymous commenter is full of shit. The quality has dipped a bit, but what can you do. Many of the things that are going on in my life right now aren’t ready for public consumption. So that leaves lists and stories about the weather and general rants about people’s bathroom behavior and so on. But if you stay tuned, I’m bound to get my heart broken or get fired or decide to move to Alaska. And then we’ll really have something to talk about.

In the meantime, here is a suggestion: Post your blog topic ideas in the comments below. I will either handcraft you a hilarious true-life anecdote about them, or I will mock you roundly for your stupid suggestion. Either way, I think we have comedy gold here, people.

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20 thoughts on “Your blog sucks!

  1. everyone’s got an awful wedding story – those are always a blast.

    also, birthdays. can you have a good one, really?

  2. everyone’s got an awful wedding story – those are always a blast.

    also, birthdays. can you have a good one, really?

  3. Jennie, NO! I want number 4 for myself! The best is the few random online people that read me regularly. I ask them why no one leaves me comments anymore. Am I boring now? Did I wait too long between posts? They insist it’s because I’ve intimidated all the girls with my superior intelligence, and stunned the boys into silence by seeming to good to be true. But I still think it’s because I suck. Your blog is better than mine. Tell us more drinking stories. You can start with “A pinko walks into a bar…” You have the best drinking stories ever, and I’m not just kissing your ass here. OK, maybe a little.

  4. You still rule Jen. Tell that person to screw off.

    P.S. – We need more stories where you and your sister basically do nothing. They’re very Seinfeldian.

  5. Also, amberance, I totally heard that your audience is intimidated by you. Which, really, is their problem.

  6. damn blogger gui.

    you hit “publish” a few extra times because of lag time and it multiple posts!

    you people are harsh! i’m packing up my anonymous bags and leaving.

  7. Any kind of embarrassing story on flatulence is easy reading, but do you really want to go there? Anyone who actually comments negatively on the content of your blog should really try it for themselves. It’s not always easy to come up with material and sometimes bloggers fall into the trap of censoring themselves when they don’t wish to share too personal stories with their audience. But, hey, it’s the JENNIE SMASH blog. You make up your own rules.

  8. I can’t stand monkeys, so could you maybe post a story about punching a monkey in the face?

    And whether it be the animal monkey or one of the Monkees, I’m sure it’ll be entertaining.

  9. I think you blog could use more inappropriate language (the really offensive stuff), excessive violence, and gratutitous full frontal nudity. By the way, if anyone gives you grief, I will run them over with a truck. A big, green truck. Hugs and kisses.

  10. Hey, Stephen, do you know how long it took me to figure out that you were Annoying Kid Brother? Way too long. I think my brain is mushifying.

  11. my stupid suggestion to be mocked: acknowledging how cool my dad is for chatting up bob costas at the men’s room urinal in maralago (donald trump’s country club in florida) while we were having dinner there last weekend. or if you have a similar story to share about celebrities and restrooms, that would be fine too.

  12. “things I would only do in the presence of me, or my sister” by Jen Smash or Ma Smash and deffinately the drinking stories. How’s the black eye comming any way?

  13. Actually, I was wondering…no one’s written anything bad on my blog yet, so could you write me a little stinger to toughen me up? It’s so much easier to take when the other person is family (then you know where they sleep and can plot against them *bwahahaha!* actually I don’t know where you sleep just yet so could you send me your address too?)

  14. Oh! Yay! Jennie and Mrs. P stories! That was the best idea yet. By the way, Heather only started hating monkeys after they started leaving nasty comments on her blog. But punching the Monkees in the face? Now that’s gold.

  15. “Annoying Kid Brother” isn’t Stephen! It’s John! He’s the one with the big green trucks anyway, and he’s very protective of you. Also, I think anyone who insults you is a big stinker, and I’d like to bite their knee-caps off.

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