Today, I was in the ladies room, peeing, as you do, when two women came into the bathroom, and took up residence in the stalls on either side of me. This is bad enough. Everyone knows about the Two-Stall Rule: when you go into a multi-stall bathroom, and there’s one other person using the facilities, you must, at the very least, leave one empty stall between you and that person. Preferably two.
But no. These ladies plunked down right next to me, on either side. Worse: They continued their conversation.
First Lady: (Over my head, to her friend.) Remind me that I have something to show you back at my desk.
Second Lady: Oh yeah? What?
Me: (Well, I know it’s not any sort of an etiquette guide, you trashy thing.)
First Lady: Oh, you know. That thing we talked about.
Second Lady: Hmmm?
Me: (What? Weed? A dildo? A pink slip?)
First Lady: It’s a picture of my daughter, from her recital. She’s first violin!
Second Lady: Oh! Cute!
Me: (Jesus Christ. I need a new job.)