Imaginary dogs

I don’t have a dog, because I’m allergic to just about everything on the planet, including some dogs, all cats, dust, mold, pollen, trees, and exercise (no, really: I get hives), but I like to pretend I have a dog sometimes, because dogs are such lovely needy animals and love you no matter what. You could kick a dog and it would still think you were great. Whereas cats barely acknowledge your existence.

What is the difference between dogs and cats? Dogs will wait til you’re dead to eat you, while cats will wait until you’ve had too much to drink. Anyway.

I went out Wednesday night and drank inadvisable amounts of tequila with a friend and two friends-of-friends. It was a very good night. I’m a Gemini, so there’s nothing I love more than fun new people and alcohol in combination. But the best part was that my new pal Jaime told me that I could borrow her brother’s dog. Here is a picture of the dog, which is now mine. Her name is Moxie Clay Bacon von Barkington:

We have the same personality, as you can see.

Anyway, Jaime also has a dog of her own that she’s willing to share with me. That dog’s name is Greta. I’m sorry to report that I was too soaked in booze to remember her title, but I’ll give that to you when I get the picture.

My plan is to print pictures of these dogs and put them in little frames all over my desk. When my coworkers ask about them, I will tell them, of course, that these are my dogs. I will then recite their names and titles and tell amusing anecdotes about them. All of this, and no crap to clean up off the floor. It’s a win-win situation, I tell you.

Here is what I wonder, though: How many pictures of dogs can a person have on her desk, before she is officially creepy? With cats, the answer of course is two.

Published by Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

I'm a freelance writer and editor.

2 thoughts on “Imaginary dogs

  1. RE: Imaginary Children?
    Q: Is it creepy if I have multiple pictures of other peoples’ children, alongside the 2 (allowable) pictures of my cat (Phaedrus Clemente Poe)?

  2. Aw, vonBarkington! I bet you have a slight discoloration on your nose that is endearing, too. Like freckles, probably.

    Love, KaraBara

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