The tiger or the lady

I like to spend as much of my free time as possible e-mailing my friends. This accomplishes two goals: it allows me to waste time gossiping instead of doing important things like work or cleaning my apartment, and it keeps me from getting too much exercise, which might make me develop an exaggerated view of my own attractiveness and start torturing people with my miniscule pants size and bad attitude.

So I was delight to receive an e-mail the other day from my good friend J. Edward Medina, which in addition to the usual gossip, chatter and drinks invitations (always good), contained the following very interesting question:

What do you find sexier:

– A man who can hold his liquor like a Spanish bull, or …

– A man with a current library card who uses it?

Isn’t that fun? Really hard, too! Here’s what I replied:

Thank God you wrote, J. Edward Medina. I was almost

forced to do work. Just imagine.

As for your questions, first I must ask you a

question, to clarify: Do Spanish bulls hold liquor? If

so, where do they swill this liquor? At Schiller’s? I

would like to see that very much, is why I ask.

In answer to your question, however, I would have to

say that the library card wins, although I myself do

not read library books, because I am too crazy, and

can’t stand to see all those suspicious brown

fingerprints all over the pages when I’m reading.

Also, library books smell bad, like mildew and

halitosis. New books are the way to go, J. Ed. Yes,

the landfill problem is all due to people like me, but

whatever else I am, I’m a good consumer first and

foremost.

That being said, I have never been in love with a man

who did not have both the qualities you mention. My

current beau makes me look like a Quaker in the

drinking department, and can’t shut the door to his

apartment anymore, for fear of knocking over a stack

of books. He’s been robbed six times because of this,

but he’s too drunk to notice. That’s a joke.

All this aside, we should definitely get some

margaritas.

Best,

J. Hubley

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