Hello! Welcome the first ever Monday Quiz. This is a new feature on JennieSmash.com. Expect to see it every Monday, unless I get sick and fucking tired of it, in which case it will go away with no explanation. We’re slightly understaffed here at the Smash.
Speaking of sick and fucking tired, that’s the theme of the Quiz. Every Monday from now on, expect to see a new and more boring answer to the question: What is Jen sick and fucking tired of?
Today, I am sick and fucking tired of losing buttons from my coat. My coat is awesome. It’s almost forty years old, very Audrey Hepburn, and a fetching shade of camel beige. I look extremely stylish in it, as well as more than usually attractive, and any day now, drag queens will start dressing up like me and having contests to see who can portray the most convincing Jennie Smash.
There’s only one problem with my excellent forty-year-old coat, and that’s that the buttons keep flying off, often with a velocity normally associated with machine gun fire. So I’ll be sitting in some bar, talking to one of my lovely friends, and a button will go winging off my boob and hit them in the eye. All of my friends are one-eyed now, and making comments about my boobs’ ability to pop buttons. They’d be bitter if it weren’t for the fact that they now have a brand-new thing to make fun of me about. Bitches.
The button situation has nothing to do with my boobs, by the way. The problem is in the forty-year-old thread attaching my buttons to my coat. But now I’ve double-stitched them all back on there with new, cheap, style-free nylon thread, and we could probably use my buttons to fish for trout or whatever, and they’d still hold. So there.