I ask because I came up with about 20 explanations in an hour or so, when I woke up early Saturday morning to the sensation of a million tiny teeth nibbling on my arms. Among them:
1. Heroin withdrawal. Slight problem: I have never used heroin.
2. Allergy to medication. That’s a good one! I thought to myself. I’m on millions of meds for my disorders, both real and imagined. I spent additional time self-implanting memories of swollen lips that appeared after taking my thyroid meds.
3. A new STD. I would be very forgiving of Adam, I decided, or of myself, if it turned out that I’d developing sleepwalking, sleep-picking-up-randos, and sleep-sex as a side effect to the medication allergy I was definitely experiencing.
4. Shingles.
5. Hysteria.
It turned out to be bedbugs, of course. It’s always bedbugs.
Here’s a picture of a puppy in an Easter basket, because bedbug pictures are too horrible to behold:
Image: Jeremy Duff/Flickr
Jennie Smash 