The New Hottness on Ice

I went ice skating tonight for the first time in … uh, I dunno how long. I think the last time I went, I had to stick a pillow in the butt of my snowpants to protect my tailbone. In fact, I should still do that, but now I am vain. Anyway, it’s been awhile.

I bought myself ice skates because I decided that I want to start getting some exercise outdoors. A day after they arrived, it became unseasonably warm in NYC, which seems like it would be a problem, but actually isn’t: The ice only melts a little in the outdoor rinks, for whatever scary chemical reason, and you can skate in a sweater and feel very sportive indeed.

I skated for an hour at Bryant Park tonight and every muscle in my body hurts. That was unexpected. I remembered that my ankles would hurt. My shoulders were a surprise though. I think it’s because I wave my arms around in a protective manner. Also, my voice is hoarse from yelling, “Watch out! Ahhh! Be careful!” Etc.

One thing that hasn’t changed: Creepy dudes still hang out at the rink trying to pick up girls. One guy tried to talk to me THREE TIMES. The third time, he said, “I don’t know what I’m doing right, but I’ve lapped you!”

Ew. I know. I can’t even.

Anyway, here’s a tip if you do go skating this winter: Steer clear of the people with wet asses. They have fallen down and will do so again, most likely once they’re right in front of you.

You’re welcome.

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One thought on “The New Hottness on Ice

  1. I still have to stick a pillow in the butt of my pants when I go ice skating. It’s as much protection for me as it is for those poor souls who get in the way while I am uncontrollably and inexplainably going backwards.

    Love,
    Mrs. P.

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