Diets I Will Not Be Doing

So, have you heard of this Master Cleanse shiz? The “shiz” is literal, turns out, cuz if you do the Cleanse, your day starts out by drinking enough salt water to make poop come shooting out yer heinie like a geiser.

OK, maybe that’s an exaggeration. Howsomever, you do a salt water “flush” thingie as part of this diet, and that just seems like a terrible idea to me. I mean, don’t they tell sailors who are lost at sea to drink their own pee before they drink salt water? Would they do that just to be mean? I don’t think so. Drinking salt water is bad for you, y’all.

I’m a bit chunky-trunks right now, but I’m thinking about just eating some fruit or something. And then, maybe I’ll get crazy and go for a walk.

Published by Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

I'm a freelance writer and editor.

3 thoughts on “Diets I Will Not Be Doing

  1. I did the Master Cleanse for a month last May- lost 17 pounds- which was all water weight. The lemonade was good and I actually began to crave it after a week- but the salt water flush is torture- I did it once and it made me sick to my stomach- I couldn’t leave the house for 3 hours! As soon as I came off the ‘cleanse’ I gained back 12 pounds.

  2. Well.

    It’s not a diet, really.

    It’s intended to flush toxins out of your system, which it will. The salt water bit is intended to draw crap out of your system and into your intestine, and also to flush your guts out. It’s not a big deal, because of that fact that you are super hydrated from constant imbibing of fluids.

    I have a friend who does it about once a year, typically for about seven to ten days.

    It is, however, not for everyone.

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