I got an email this evening from my friend Tom. I’ll share, because it’s possible that you haven’t had a good Rushmore reference recently:
I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume’s swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.
PS: This is extra fun if you know about Tom’s tendency to ask people who barely know each other if they’ve given each other handjobs.