So here I am in sunny San Francisco, where it is not raining at all, I’m sorry to have to tell you, pals of mine on the Right Coast. To make you even more jealous, I’m with my very weird family. Also, my sister’s dog Luke, who is quite charming, but very odd, if you didn’t grow up with dogs. Which I didn’t.
Luke has absolutely no concept of himself as an entity. He can walk past his reflection without noticing it. He has no modesty: He spends a good part of his day cleaning his personal area. Mrs. P thinks this is hilarious, and is wont to point out to him that “shake it once fine. Shake it twice, OK. Shake it three times, Luke, and you’re playing with yourself.”
His favorite thing to do, though, is to lie on the sofa on his back, exposing his gentleman parts, and stare at you. And when I say “you,” I really mean “me.”
Me: Meg! Can you make your dog stop showing me his penis?
Mrs. P: (Shaking his legs from side to side, to improve my view of her dog’s bits.) Woo hoo hoo! Look at my penis, Auntie Jennie!
Me: Ew!
Mrs. P: I want you to see! Take a look!
Me: Mom!
Ma Smash: Oh take a look, honey. It will make her feel better.
Jennie Smash 
I reach one of two conclusions from this amusing anecdote: either Mrs. P got all of the breaks from your parents when you were kids, or you were an absolute whiner so that even now Ma Smash can’t stand to hear you do it.
Also: dog penis.
So it’s true, then, what they say about California; land of fruit and dog nuts.
My only child is a dog. But in my life, my family only had lady dogs. It was a complete conundrum to me when I noticed that my dog had nipples to either side of his “area.” It’s just weird.
Clearly, this is a gay dog. Not that there is anything wrong with that. A straight dog would by now have (a) tried to win your affection or (b) failing (a) just gone to straight out humping your leg.
–Taupey
hehe, did I ever mention that I LOVE your family??!! well I do. hehe you guys are silly.
I was once subjected to a fish vagina. Let me tell you what’s more disturbing than fish vagina: NOTHING!
what color was it? dog d*ck red?
I have shorts that color. remind me to wear them for you.
Ma Smash: Oh take a look, honey. It will make her feel better.
That slays me.