Jennie Smash

One of the many hilarious things about Match.com is that it asks you to describe your tattoos, if any. I have one, on my lower back, which can safely be described as “strategically placed,” so that’s what I picked.

My friend Mark, on the other hand, has sleeves, so he had to pick “visible tattoo.”

“The thing is,” he complained. “ALL my tattoos are strategically placed. It’s not like I went in to my tattoo artist and had him randomly throw some tattoos on me.”

Mark’s best tattoo, by far? A banner that says “Never Say Die” on his forearm. Sounds pretty badass, right? Yeah, it’s from The Goonies.

You Goonie!