Jennie Smash

By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

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A Real Doll

I’m not sure what it says about me, but when I read this article, all I could think was: “Who has $6,500 lying around?” I mean, can you get a loan for this? Or what? OK, so this creeped me out: “I realized not long after I got [my doll] that I don’t really need…

I’m not sure what it says about me, but when I read this article, all I could think was: “Who has $6,500 lying around?” I mean, can you get a loan for this? Or what?

OK, so this creeped me out: “I realized not long after I got [my doll] that I don’t really need anybody … I don’t have a lot of human friends and only 2 of them have seen Ginger and Kelly, and none of them or anyone else have or will ever lay a hand on them while I am living.”

I have a few ex-boyfriends that should probably make an investment in one of these.

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Responses to “A Real Doll”

  1. Anonymous

    “teddy bear with benefits” Classic!

    Reply
  2. THE QUEEN

    i can’t help but wonder – when it needs to be cleaned, is there some sort of hooha cartridge or something that is removable, dishwasher safe, even?

    Reply
  3. Caryn

    Ummmmmm … ew.
    I saw one of these on nip/tuck, which is a faboo show.

    Reply
  4. Enrico Pallatso

    I think you use a garden hose and some clorox, same way you clean a slip and slide.

    Reply
  5. lpdrjk

    Read the article: “the turkey-baster-like implement that comes with each doll to douche it. “You put soap and water in that, and then you squirt it into the orifice you came into, and wash it out with that.””

    “With $2 million in sales last year, McMullen now employs 14 people at his San Marcos, Calif., company and makes about six or seven dolls a week, each requiring 80 hours of labor”

    $2M in sales/year. Wow. The amazing thing is that the Salon article was written by a woman. Now that’s bravery; it creeped me out just to read it I can’t imagine interviewing all those guys.

    Hey Jen, be careful what you wish for they might start making a Hubley doll to get back at you and satisfy all that pent-up demand on the part of your ex’s. She’ll arrive in flannel Red Sox pj’s w/red footies. Chub rub is extra.

    Reply
  6. Jillo

    I think it’s a brilliant invention – think of how many creepy guys it’s keeping from having sex with actual women – and breeding!

    Reply
  7. Avram

    Do they come with papers and an adoption story, just like cabbage patch kids. Do you think there will be a run on these at Christmas?

    Reply
  8. Anonymous

    I’m becoming a lesbian.

    Reply
  9. Dave Pye

    As far as I’m concerned, as long as he isn’t hurting anyone that kid can pork whatever he wants. It’s his chilling resemblance to an East-Indian Hitler that has me creeped out.

    Reply
  10. Sean

    It’s the basting I’m uncomfortable with.

    Reply
  11. Betagal

    You know, I would buy the whole “chicks use dildos and vibrators and it’s encouraged as sexual liberation” argument if it weren’t for the fact that my vibrator isn’t actually attached to 100+ lbs of silicone, complete with hair, painted nails, and plumbed orifices.

    So I’ve decided to help liberate all these poor sexually frustrated men by inventing Box in a Box. It’s just a vagina. In a box. No need to bathe it, buy it dinner, or give it clothes (unless you’d like to buy it a snappy tie). Think of all the money and emotional bonding they’ll save!

    Maybe Box in a Box isn’t sassy enough a name? How about Pussy in a Pocket? Snatch in a Sack?

    Hmmm…maybe I’ll send it out to a focus group and see what sort of feedback I get.

    Reply
  12. Jennie SMASH!

    I like “Pocket Pussy”, myself. Also? This is a fantastic idea.

    Reply

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