Jennie Smash

By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

·

U-Haul, Part 2

I almost forgot the best part of the U-Haul story. When Isaac and I finally left, and started the long walk across town the F train, cursing and smoking and shaking our fists at the sky (OK, my fists; Isaac was mellow as usual), I decided to call my Mom to tell her I was…

I almost forgot the best part of the U-Haul story. When Isaac and I finally left, and started the long walk across town the F train, cursing and smoking and shaking our fists at the sky (OK, my fists; Isaac was mellow as usual), I decided to call my Mom to tell her I was OK. She has Mom radar, and I was afraid her spidey sense was tingling. So I called her up and told her that we had dropped off the U-Haul, no problem and that I might have called the manager a big fat ugly bitch. There was a pause on the other end of the line.

“Jennifer Lynn HUBLEY,” she finally gasped. “What’s HAPPENED to you in that city?”

Then she said: “You tell that Isaac that I’m going to knit him a sweater.”

My mother, ladies and gentleman! Now and always the Nicest Woman in North America.

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Responses to “U-Haul, Part 2”

  1. Megs

    Oh please. You know Mom would have ripped that woman’s tonsils out if she’d been in that situation. Maybe not when she was in her twenties, but now she certainly would. She also probably would have refrained from calling her a bitch but gone for a major artery instead. I, however, would have just sat there in the truck crying until they either let us in or called the funny farm to take me away.

    Love you!
    Mrs. P.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Jennifer Lynn HUBLEY! I most certainly would have grabbed that woman by the short curlies and swung her over my head. But calling her a big fat ugly bitch? Well, I thought I raised you better!
    Love,
    Ma Smash

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    your mother IS the Nicest Woman In North America. that’s my comment. now i annoy you by posting a myspace survey i find very amusing. (ominous voice) AND SO SHALL YOU. haha!

    I wanna know 29 things about YOU! Fill all the questions out and dont leave any blanks!
    ANSWER IT AND SEND IT TO ME THEN POST IT FOR YOURSELF<3

    1. Your Full Name:lp

    2. Age:28

    3. Fave Color:red

    4. Fave Movie:house of a thousand corpses or maybe donnie darko or maybe city of lost children or maybe scarface

    5. Fave Song:oh i cant answer this

    6. Fave Band: massive attack

    7. Most Embarassing Moment: there’ve been so many . . . but now that i don’t truly get embarassed, i can’t readily come up with one

    8. Are you a virgin? of course!

    HERE COMES THE FUN … … …

    1. Are we friends? on myspace

    2. Do you have a crush/attracted to me? i don’t know who you are

    3. Would you kiss me? no

    4. …with tongue? no

    5. Would you enjoy it? yes?

    6. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I ask you out? no – i’m in love, you see

    7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater? no

    8. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you: i remember alot of odd/interesting facts

    9. Would you take care of me when I’m sick? no?

    10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn’t before? what? we’ve never conversed . .

    11. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me? i wouldn’t know if i should – rumors are like cliches; there’s truth to most of them

    12. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me? no!

    13. Do you think I’m a good person? i’d like to think so, but i’m not so sure, this survey’s kind of irritating . . .

    14. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)? no!

    15.Do you think I’m Hot? i have no idea – i don’t know you!

    16. Would you call me just because? no; i wouldn’t call you for anything – i don’t even have your phone number!

    17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they dont involve you? no! these questions are just – ok, i’ll finish the damn thing

    18. If you could change anything about me, would you? i don’t fucking know!

    19.Would you have sex with me? absolutely not, and another thing, i really resent this, you know, i’ve asked you for nothing, NOTHING! and suddenly you’re demanding all these answers to questions i can’t even begin to contemplate. you know what, just forget it. i’m so sick and tired of these attempts to invade my personal -no! no i will not listen for a minute! you listen to ME motherfucker! get out of my house right this instant! i’m serious, i’ll call the fucking – GET OUT! JUST GET THE FUCK OUT!

    20.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT! alright that’s it i’m calling the – what are you doing – no- put that down –

    21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? AAAAARRRRGGG SOMEBODY HELP PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME OH MY GOD HE’S AAAARARRRARARGGG. . . . . ;.;

    Reply

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