Jennie Smash

By

Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

·

Homeless no more

I have an apartment now. Aren’t you proud? I am. I feel like I made it with my own two hands. I feel like I crawled toward it on my knees over broken glass. I feel like it’s probably much too expensive, and I no longer care. This is a crafty trick on the part…

I have an apartment now. Aren’t you proud? I am. I feel like I made it with my own two hands. I feel like I crawled toward it on my knees over broken glass. I feel like it’s probably much too expensive, and I no longer care. This is a crafty trick on the part of real estate brokers, who run you all over the city on the hottest goddamn day of the year in the hopes that you will cave and pick something. Well, I showed them. I slept on it, and then I picked something. Hmmm. Maybe that wasn’t quite the resounding victory I was hoping for.

BUT! The place is actually quite nice. The appliances are the size of normal human appliances, and the windows — for there are two of them, mind you, so wealthy and well-heeled am I — are large and are not facing a wall. As an extra added bonus, the parts of my bathroom all live together in — wait for it! — a little room of their own, which I like to call “the bathroom.” My, it’s all a person could hope for.

Tags:

Responses to “Homeless no more”

  1. Bev

    That’s great that you found a place. What part of NYC? Is it just you or do you have a roommate?

    Reply
  2. Jennie SMASH!

    It’s on the lower east side, just south of Houston. So great. I’ve never lived anywhere before where you just go outside and EVERYTHING is right there. Seriously. Everything. What do you want? I can get it for you. Taxidermied parrots? Done.

    I’m living alone, I’m pleased to report. I like to talk to myself, so it’s better if I’m alone.

    Reply
  3. Jeremiah

    Congrats!! Hope you have AC.

    Reply
  4. Golightly

    congrats!
    Are 1st, 2nd, 3rd floor?
    You’ll have to post pics–when is the move in day?
    WOW and way to go securing a place all your own–no roomies and on the LES.
    Taxidermied parrots may make great livign room decor.

    Reply
  5. Anonymous

    Smash, congratulations, i will keep my eyes peeled for you on the LES.

    Reply
  6. tendancer@gmail.com

    Standard NYC resident question: what’s the rent? Oh, and don’t forget to stare into everybody’s window when you walk by, you’ve got to find out just how lucky/screwed over you were in your accommodation ‘choice’.

    NYC living, gotta love it.

    Reply
  7. Jennie SMASH!

    I cannot get used to the fact that people actually tell each other how much rent they pay in NYC. I’m sure I’ll be on board soon, but you’re going to have to give me some time on this one. I’m from New England. We’d rather discuss our medical history than talk about money.

    Reply

Leave a comment