Everything Is Killing You: A Hypochondriac Explains Why You Should Be Worried

The trouble with being a hypochondriac is that I, like all pessimists, am eventually doomed to be right.


Die Verwandlung

This morning, I awoke to find that a cockroach had crawled out of our sheets and was sitting on the pillow next to me, like Gregor Samsa taking a nap. For a minute, I thought that Adam had had an existential crisis during the night. Then I remembered that he'd left before dawn for a …

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Professional Offices I Have Cried in, in Order of Frequency

1. Therapist's office (obviously.) 2. General practitioner's office. (Although I no longer see that particular doctor, and I'm sure we're both grateful.) 3. Gynecologist's office. 4. Nurse practitioner's office. (Mostly because she's awesome. I bet everyone cries in there.) 5. Nutritionist's office. 6. Hair salon. I have never, ever cried at a nail salon, chiropractor's, …

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Why Do We Beat Ourselves Up?

So, the first day of not weighing myself didn't go all that well, in that I got up first thing in the morning and weighed myself. I didn't realize what I was doing until I looked at the number and thought, "UGH, I'm the WORST." And then I remembered this whole not-saying-horrible-things-to-myself dealie. And then …

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