I Am a Goddess, But Not of Anything You’d Want to Be a Goddess of

Jennie Smash: i see that you liked the pizza of JUDGING YOU

Metal Eric: of course
Metal Eric: i always like silently judging people

Jennie Smash: esp when actually i don’t feel judgy
Jennie Smash: mostly jealous that gluten doesn’t make them seize up

Metal Eric: i hear ya
Metal Eric: i remember first reading about that
Metal Eric: and experienced such a thrill of horror

Jennie Smash: ha ha ha
Jennie Smash: yeah, it’s cute isn’t it?

Metal Eric: it is
Metal Eric: my friend melissa has it

Jennie Smash: i’m just “sensitive,” not allergic

Metal Eric: she’s rather inspirational in how she’s conquered it
Metal Eric: ah, ok
Metal Eric: better then

Jennie Smash: which is a nice way of saying i’m prone to getting fat from it

Metal Eric: hahaha

Jennie Smash: and feeling mildly crudddy

Metal Eric: sounds like my relation to milk
Metal Eric: lactose and i are frenemies

Jennie Smash: yes, that’s exactly it
Jennie Smash: i love gluten, and gluten’s like, “oh, i’m so glad to see you. i really didn’t have the energy to talk to a REAL friend today, you know?”

Metal Eric: and then proceeds to brag about how awesome its new boyfriend is for 30 minutes

Jennie Smash: exactly

Metal Eric: and then asks you about your day before cutting you off 30 seconds into a story to complain about the weather

Jennie Smash: god, i hate that gluten
Jennie Smash: CELIAC SPRUE!

Metal Eric: which sounds like one of the celtic goddesses
Metal Eric: perhaps of like early spring

Jennie Smash: that’s me
Jennie Smash: i’m celiac sprue

Metal Eric: one of the bitchier ones

Jennie Smash: goddess of pooping

Metal Eric: oh, definitely
Metal Eric: hahahaha
Metal Eric: and whacking you with branches that only have some leaves on them


Ma Smash Has Advice on Honeymoon Prep

Me: OK, we’re all set for the honeymoon.

Ma Smash:
Oh, good.

Bills are paid.

Ma Smash: Good.

Me: Antibiotics and anti-malarials have been procured.

Ma Smash: …good.

Me: Ibuprofen, ointments, first aid kit, anti-diarrheals, all in place.

Ma Smash:
Wow. You’re going to Belize, not to war.

Me: I just like to be prepared.

Ma Smash: Lucky Adam! Nothing says sexy like a bride with anti-diarrhea medication!

Well, seriously. Better than a bride with diarrhea.