Bed bugs are everywhere, makeup is full of nasty chemicals, and even sunscreen (maybe) causes cancer. What are we to do?
I have the solution. From now on, I will wear a radiation suit. This will keep away all bugs and harmful UV rays. Instead of makeup, I will place a flattering soft-pink filter over my face plate.
Perhaps I’ll wear mine to Fashion Week. It will give people something else to look at, besides PETA protesters and worn-down Louboutins.
Me: Plumbers are gone! Terlet’s fixed!
Sgt Lucky: Yay!
Me: Poops for everyone!
ETA: Sgt Lucky wrote back and said, “At the same time? What a poo-pourri.” We are gross. The end.
Sgt Lucky: ever feel so lazy that to avoid doing one thing, you do something stupid that ends up taking more effort?
Jennie Smash: you have just described my entire working life
Sgt Lucky: lol
Sgt Lucky: Follow me here… 44 cent stamp covers a 1 oz letter.
Jennie Smash: with you so far
Sgt Lucky: I could go to the post office to make sure the whole invitation package can be done with 1 stamp.
Sgt Lucky: Instead, I use google to find out that 5 quarters weigh about 1 oz.
Jennie Smash: ha ha hah
Jennie Smash: oh MY
Sgt Lucky: Then rig a scale using the invitation, 5 quarters, a plastic straw, button yarn, and scotch tape.
Sgt Lucky: … I think 44 cents will cover it using that very uncontrolled method.
Jennie Smash: shut up
Jennie Smash: you didn’t
Sgt Lucky: Also, it took me 5 min to find the tape.