A brief explanation is in order: The other day, I was thinking about the fact that I don’t really post anymore. I realized that this is because I don’t really have that much to say – or rather, that I don’t feel as sharesies with my personal life as I used to, way back in the Pleistocene era (2003.) The obvious solution was to make a list of 100 purely trivial things that drive me crazy, and write a post about each. Because we wouldn’t have an internet if people didn’t need porn and an outlet for their complaints. This is the first post.
This morning, Starbucks proved to me that they’re trying to send me to the funny farm once and for all. And don’t worry, I’m not going to get all late-90s comedian on you and start whining about how the names are weird and the orders are complicated and it’s darn expensive, etc and so on.
No, my issue with Starbucks is that they don’t seem to believe in condiments. They have them, but they won’t give them out, at least at my local store, no matter how you beg and plead.
With this in mind, I’d like to present you with a short play based on my experience this morning.
ME: I’d like a spinach wrap with ketchup please.
BARISTA: OK. (To coworker.) SPINACH WRAP, PLEASE!
ME: With ketchup.
BARISTA: Uh huh.
Some moments later.
BARISTA 2: Are you the spinach wrap?
ME: Yes. With ketchup.
BARISTA 2: (Laughs and walks away.)
ME: (Sighs. Opens bag. No ketchup.) Excuse me…
BARISTA 2: (To another customer.) I HAVE A BAGEL HERE, TOASTED, WITH NO CREAM CHEESE?
ME: EXCUSE ME. Sorry. Uh, could I have ketchup?
BARISTA 2: Oh! You want KETCHUP! Sorry, I thought you said extra cheese.
I understand this makes me a small person, but I do believe that this routine, which happens in some variation every time I get breakfast at this particular store, will cause me to lose what’s left of my mind.