Loyal Smash reader Tracey wrote to me today to ask for my advice. This is always a mistake, as I’m sure you will all agree. My advice in any case is calculated to produce the maximum entertainment for your friends, rather than solving your actual problems.
For example, if you were a pal of mine, you might call me up and ask me whether or not you should break up with your girlfriend, the annoying one who calls all the time when we’re trying to have a beer, for God’s sake. I would advise you to so immediately. Further, I would suggest taking out a full-page ad in your local paper. It would say something along the lines of “Hey, Hookerpants*: Guess You’re Going to Have to Find a New Sucker to Drive You to New Jersey on Sunday” and it would feature a picture of her with a phone glued to her ear, looking angry, as usual.
Anyway. Fortunately, Trace didn’t have a question of this nature. Here’s what Trace needs to know:
Since you are a savvy NY woman who knows the city, I’m hoping you will be able to give me some advice.
My wife turns 40 in January. I think I’m going to surprise her by packing a bag and taking her on a train trip to NYC. I understand that there are plenty of things to do and places to stay within walking distance of Grand Central Station. Maybe you can provide me a list of “must sees” that my wife would really enjoy. Also, if you have any hotel suggestions, I would love to hear them.
Hope things are going well.
God, poor Tracey. I sure have him fooled, don’t I?
Anyway, trouble is that my NYC knowledge is limited to about four neighborhoods in Brooklyn and a stretch of downtown Manhattan from Delancey Street to 17th. So I’m not much help with the whole Grand Central thing. Which is why I’m turning to you, dear readers, in the hopes that you will have some advice for our pal Tracey. He’s being a nice guy and all. Anyone have any ideas?
* Tm AJ Daulerio.