So, I went to see the Pixies last night in Lowell. It was a good show, despite the fact that I was tired and feeling sort of grumpy and old. Fortunately, the Pixies themselves are now grumpy and old, and so is most of their audience, so I didn’t feel out of place.
Because I’m lazy, as well as being grumpy and old, here are my observations from the show, in no particular order:
1) Frank Black has a big, fat head. And it gets worse from there: his neck looks like it’s trying to swallow his noggin. I’ve heard he’s kind of a dick, and all I can say is that if my neck looked like a foreskin, I might be, too. That being said, he’s still a completely awesome weirdo.
2) I still wish Kim Deal would be my friend.
3) Everyone has little pigtails now. It used to be just a few people and now it’s everyone. Why can’t I have little pigtails? Maybe I’ll just cut all my hair off.
4) Here’s how I know I’m old: I sat down at the show. Like, for almost all of it. And I thought it was too loud.
5) My imaginary baby, which some of you may remember from my livejournal, was in full force last night. Actually, it was more like an imaginary fetus. I was so hormonal with PMS that it was like I was pregnant. My premenstrual self wanted a lot of salt, so I got a big bag of popcorn and snarfled it down. And then I stole some of Isaac’s M&Ms. He was a little confused when I told him that my imaginary baby thinks M&Ms are delicious.
6) Where do people find time to sew little skulls on the back of their vintage coats? I don’t even have time to sew buttons on. I just wear the fucker until I’m down to, say, two buttons and then I throw that shit out.
7) I seem to have stopped recycling. I just left all my garbage on the floor. Also, at work, I’m not using my recycling bin for its intended purpose. What does that mean? Have I given up?
8) Crowds are always full of awesome freaks. This is true at concert venues, shopping malls and outdoor gun shows. Get more than ten strangers in a room and you’re bound to have at least one mutterer with questionable hygiene.
9) I want robotic lights like the ones the Pixies had. They hung on trees and moved just like the spotlights in the future scenes of The Terminator. If I had these robotic lights, I would program them so that they would go on whenever I spoke in a meeting or told a joke when I was out with my friends. Just imagine how shocked you’d be if we were hanging out and I said something and then this huge purple spotlight shone on me.
10) People don’t wave lighters anymore. They wave cell phones. DUMB. (I did it, too.)