How the world will change, now that Bush has won

1) All uteruses (uteri?) will become official property of the state. Women of childbearing age will be have their bits branded accordingly. Women past menopause will be boiled down for petrol. Female children will be sent to reeducation camps, to teach them to sew their knees shut until a suitable Neocon mate presents himself.

2) Halliburton will be given whatever contracts and endorsements they fancy. Look for “Halliburton Bank of America” and “Halliburton Fenway Park”, coming soon.

3) It will be perfectly legal to batter persons of Filipino descent in the street. This is a charter program for battering all non-white persons. What, you expected them to start with the Dominicans? Those dudes are big.

4) Dick Cheney will be able to go into any home in America and claim all its candy by Imminent Domain.

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9 thoughts on “How the world will change, now that Bush has won

  1. I guess its all opinion because i woke up more calm than i have been for the last 6 months, and with a confident feeling about the next decision that has been made by the american people.

  2. Well, sure. People from your camp feel great. A few things you should keep in mind, though, while you’re maintaining your confidence in the American people:

    1) The American people, at one time, believed in slavery.
    2) The American people denied women the vote.
    3) They banned alcohol. (Not as serious, I know, but near and dear to my heart, nonetheless.)
    4) They passed Jim Crow.

    Democracy is only the best system we’ve been able to come up with. A mob of people, in the end, is sometimes just a mob.

  3. I actually feel bad for those whose candidate did not win, as i know how emotionally charged this election was. And, i know how emotionally devastating a tough loss in a close race can be.

    That being said, i am not sure who this jim crow guy is, but i promise you this: even though i am a republican, if i passed mr crow, i would have picked him up.

  4. I’m Canadian and all I have to say is that in light of the results, I’m scared for my people. We are about to pass some new legislation up here that’s gonna upset the Bush robot a whole lot. But I promise, none of us are getting in our cars and leaving either.

  5. damnit! Bush can’t have my candy nor my country!

    why? why? why? can’t you all see the lies? how conveniently the reason for the US doing anything changes with each passing day? lets just throw the past down the memory hole

    war is peace
    slavery is freedom

    we have always been at war with Iran, oops I meant Iraq

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