1) Have a heart attack
2) Physically menace and possibly attack this one guy who always wears a Yankees cap in the office
3) Get committed to McLean’s
4) Require a liver transplant
5) Develop a permanent eye-twitch
In other news, it’s not my fault that Mike Mussina is hot. I’m not proud of myself or anything like that, so there’s no use berating me over it. It’s just that he’s so serious. It’s really adorable. And I think I can help him. Or at least keep him distracted and away from the ballpark. No sacrifice too large, that’s my motto.
Also, in further baseball-related fragments, I’m starting to think that my friend Cathy is right: Maybe Manny isn’t a total bag of hammers. Check out the look in his eyes when he thinks the camera isn’t on him. He looks rather shrewd, doesn’t he?
This is the most disjointed entry ever, but I am so tired. So here’s my last point: we know Schilling’s ankle is all fucked up. There’s no need to pan to it ever other second when he’s on the mound, Fox “We Suck the Cock of the Devil” Sports. When they’re not doing that, they’re showing us dip shots of Schilling spitting tobacky all over his chin. Way to kick a guy when he’s down, fellas.