Jennie Smash

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Jen Hubley Luckwaldt

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Actual message left on my friend Ilisa’s voicemail just now

“Hey, Horowitz, it’s Hubley. I’m just calling to say hey. And also, to … I don’t know, I feel fat. It might be these pants. Maybe I should wear a skirt. I know you can’t see me or anything, so it’s hard for you to tell. But maybe you can call me back and tell…

“Hey, Horowitz, it’s Hubley. I’m just calling to say hey. And also, to … I don’t know, I feel fat. It might be these pants. Maybe I should wear a skirt. I know you can’t see me or anything, so it’s hard for you to tell. But maybe you can call me back and tell me if I, y’know, sound fat to you. Okay. Bye.”

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Responses to “Actual message left on my friend Ilisa’s voicemail just now”

  1. Bob Fuckin’ Smith

    You know, I’d say something typically gynophobic and “Bob” here, like “I’m glad I’m not a chick”, ‘cept for the recent trend of skinny hipster guys — I mean, really skinny hipster guys, the kind who wear girls Diesel jeans. Have you seen these guys? Of course you have, but thankfully you’re not like the 75% of women I know who aren’t secure with their sexuality and date these non-threatening, sexless manorexics. (The term “manorexic” was coined by me and is copyrighted, btw. I’ll sue the shit out of Vice magazine if they even try).

    Oh yeah, so anyway, you’re not fat, Hubs.

    Reply
  2. Jennie SMASH!

    As much as I’d like to claim credit for being highly evolved, I dunno. Those hipster guys … what can they offer, really? I mean, from a base, psychiologial standpoint. Not, much, I’m thinking.

    Reply

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