Jennie Smash

Birthdays blow.

I’ve been thinking about this today, because it’s my friend Christine’s birthday, and she’s experiencing the Birthday Meh. Not the Birthday Blues, mind you. Just the Meh. Think of someone in a slightly crumpled party hat, blowing wanly into a noisemaker.

The Birthday Meh is the natural consequence of getting all hyped up about your birthday. No one is guiltier of this than me. Every year I get worse. I start plaguing my friends earlier (“Do you know what happens next month? MY BIRTHDAY.”) and planning ever more elaborate parties (“Do you think we can get the pony on the roofdeck? Is there some kind of zoning thing?”).

When the actual day arrives, however, I find that I couldn’t care less. I’m not even so much concerned with wrinkles and gray hair and so on. I’m just … meh.

All major festive holidays are like this. Think of New Year’s. Think of Anniversaries. You’re supposed to be all excited, but it’s just a day.

This is why I have decided to start throwing festive holiday parties for no reason. First up: I’m going to have a bachelorette party. I’ve always wanted one. Think about it: You get horribly drunk in a limo, go to a bazillion places, some of them with attractive nekkid people, and everyone pays attention to you the whole time. What a great idea this is! The only drawback that I could ever see was the whole having to get married part afterward. So I’ll just skip that.

I’m having a bachelorette party. Who wants in?