Hello, my listy internet pals. As you may have heard, there was a big soccer game today. Spain was playing, which I found out only after they won and every corner of my internet presence was besieged by congratulations in terrible sixth grade Spanish. (“Puedo ir al bano … GOAAAL! GOAAAL!” Etc.)
As you can tell, I care less about the World Cup than I do about … almost anything. Which is saying a lot, because I really only care about three things: 1) my people (Sgt. Lucky, family, friends), 2) books, and 3) sleeping.
It has come to my attention, however, that some of you like teh futbol, a lot. And so I present to you a short listicle of things you might do, now that the endless season of ball kicking has come to an end.
1) Stop boring me. Seriously. Anyone who’s asked me to come out for a beer in the last few weeks knows that I hate televised sport so much, I will actually ask you if there are TVs at the bar and then decline to participate if soccer is being shown. This is as much for your sake as for mine. You think you know what “party pooper” means, but you really don’t. Because I haven’t inflicted myself on you at a sports bar.
2) Get some exercise yourself. I am by no means an athlete, but I can’t help but remark on the irony of you spending so much of your time watching magical ab beasts run to and fro kicking at things. Because you’re watching these gods of useless exertion while you yourself are sitting on a bar stool growing blubber pants.
The vuvuzela planter? Could not be more terrifying than this.
3) Give the old liver a rest. Again, I’m totally throwing stones from my glass house here. But, OK, wait, maybe not. Because if I look at your beer consumption and think, “Whoa, buddy, maybe give it a rest,” well, you probably should.
4) Vuvuzela? Looks like a long skinny planter to me. Now’s your chance to introduce a few plants into your apartment, just like you’ve always been meaning to do.
5) Catch up your regularly scheduled crappy TV. Yeah, it’ll rot your brain, too. But at least most sitcom dads are in worse shape than you are.
GOAAAL!
Jeans planter picture via 7gadgets.com.
