Archive | February, 2010

Watching ‘House’ With Sgt. Lucky

25 Feb

Sgt. Lucky: And here we have another person leaving their life partner while that partner is dying.

Me: Yup.

Sgt. Lucky: The theme of this show isn’t “Everyone lies.” It’s “Nobody loves you.”

A few weeks ago we were watching House and the diagnosis hinged on whether or not the patient was cheating on her husband. If she was, she had an STD, and could be cured. If she wasn’t, she had something else, and would die. The husband was hoping for the non-STD death causing disease.

Quoth Sgt Lucky: That’s some bullshit. If we were in that spot? I’d be all, “Come on, STD! Anyone can make a mistake!”

It’s possible that he likes me.

Sgt Lucky Is the Adult Around Here

12 Feb

Me: The more I hear about giving birth, the more I think I probably won’t be able to do it.

Sgt Lucky: Yes, you will.

Me: No, I mean, it seems to take hours and cause sweating. I hate both those things. Also, I’m pretty sure my makeup will run.

Sgt Lucky: You’ll look cute.

Me: Will you bring my makeup to the hospital?

Sgt Lucky: Sure.

Me: Will you hold the mirror while I reapply my eyebrows?

Sgt Lucky: Of course.

Before you ask, no, I’m not pregnant. But it’s nice to know I’ll be in good hands when the time comes.

Everything Is Broken

7 Feb

This week, both my computer and my cell phone broke. My computer can’t connect to wireless. It just searches and searches, lamp held aloft, for an honest IP address. The cell phone acts like everything’s OK, and then it says it can’t find its smart chip. I don’t know about you, but there are a lot of things I can take from a wireless device, and passive aggression isn’t one of them.

All of this comes at the worst possible time, because I’m somewhat low on funds. The cash I would have spent on new gadgets is now sitting in the bottom of my closet, in the form of blue rubber shoes. (Judge me if you want. But I bet your life would be better with blue rubber shoes. Think about it.)

My point is that the electronic items in your house are just waiting for you to purchase kicky accessories. The moment you do, they’ll fail. You have been warned.

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