The remix.
November 8, 2009
The Wrimo Is Here
So I’m about 3000 words behind already, which isn’t great, but what can you do. I have a million excuses, but they’re either boring and entirely made-up, or real and worth a post down the line, so I’ll save them. (Because I’m greedy about my material like that.)
All I’ll say in the meantime is that my patience is at an all-time low, and if I don’t get into an actual fist fight on the subway by December 1, it will be completely amazing. Seriously, it’s amazing Sgt. Lucky hasn’t made me sleep outside on the stoop yet. I am a grump.
In the meantime, though, I hope November is treating you all well so far, and that you’re feeling less cuckoo-bananas than yours truly.
October 12, 2009
I Maded U a Post
It’s OK to use lolspeak, still, isn’t it? I mean, especially now that dude is rich?
Anyway. I wrote a thing. Here it is.
September 23, 2009
I Must Be Crazy
For a lady who doesn’t actually do much blogging, I sure am ambitious.
I’ve decided to NaNoWriMo this year. For those of you who aren’t insane. NaNoWriMo is this thing you do where you write 50,000 words – the first draft of a novel, in one month. It works out to just under 1,700 words a day and by the end of it, you’re drooling and giggling and making farting noises with your armpits at perfect strangers while riding the train in the morning. All of which I do anyway, so what the hell.
NaNoWriMo is in November, but I’m going to get started on research now. This is sort of against the point of the thing, but I promise you that I won’t count a single pre-written word in my tally. Because I know you’re very concerned about these things, and really, who could blame you.
September 9, 2009
I Have Also Been Doing Work
But mainly, I’ve been writing and playing Bejeweled.
Seriously, that’s what I’ve been up to for the past week. This is partly because I have the flu and partly because I am a lazy, lazy woman who only likes writing little stories and playing video games.
As far as the little stories go, I should have a link for you tomorrow to something I’ve been contributing to. (Wherein the grammar, she is much better than here, needless to say.)
As far as the video games go, here’s some observational humor for you: wimminz love games where you blow up jewels and men do not. Feel free to discuss or debate in the comments.
In other news, as well, etc, and so on, it is Ma Smash’s birthday today. She is turning 40 once more.
In honor of her birthday, I sent her a bunch of flowers from my favorite purveyor of internet flowers. The bouquet was called “It’s All About You,” which I gave to her as a joke, because she never does anything for herself, and would in fact give her shoes, wallet, and kidneys to any semi-deserving stranger she ran into on the street.
On the card I wrote:
“This bouquet is called It’s All About You. I bought it for you on purpose in the hopes that it would work the Force on you and cause you to use big towels after you shower instead of the crappy handtowels that everyone has spit in already. Happy birthday! Love, Jennie”
When I spoke to her this afternoon, she thanked me for the flowers and I specifically asked her what she thought about the note.
“Well, I’ll try,” she said, resignedly. “But it seems like an awful waste.”
“Yeah, when you could just run around the block stark naked like the dog after a bath. Use the big towels. I’m serious. Use them. It’s good for your psyche.”
The perfect towel for Ma Smash
“I’ll try.”
She’s totally not going to do it, BTW. I mentioned this to Sgt Lucky and he said, “Well, your Mom is kinda teeny. Maybe the hand towel is like a regular towel for her.”
It’s true. She’s three apples tall.
Image via Blue Buddies, the creepiest-named site on teh internetz.
September 6, 2009
OK, You Win
Me: I’m going to buy you a Snuggie.
Sgt Lucky: I’m going to throw up in your mouth while you’re sleeping.
Not Sgt Lucky
Photo via Laist.
September 4, 2009
Swine Flu, Swine Flu, Bang-Bang-Bang!
My hero Anne Lamott once said: “It is not second nature for me to believe that everything is more or less OK.”
She could have been talking about me when she said that, and today was a particularly good example of my specific type of mental illness.
You see, two days ago, I came down with a cold. Or at least, I thought it was a cold. It never went to my nose, but it went everywhere else: my head hurt, I was sweating and chilled at the same time, my lungs filled up with greeny-browny crap, and let’s just say I spent more time on the bathroom, catching up on my reading, than I have for awhile. Oh, and also? I was exhausted. To the point where going to work or even to the doctors was an impossibility. It was a preview of getting old, if, in my old age, I contract AIDS-related dysentery.
Here’s the thing: The symptoms I’m describing? Yeah, that’s pretty much the swine flu. Never mind that no one in New York currently has it. Never mind that the CDC has a cute little map to that effect. No, in my mind, I am completely riddled with swine flu and will be headed to my reward any moment.
Sgt Lucky, who is not a hypochondriac and is probably feeling around on the floor for the silent alarm right this very minute suggested that I go to the doctor. He actually suggested it somewhat forcefully, after I bade him a solemn goodbye this morning and suggested that our neighbor Eric could find him a nice new girlfriend when I pass. (Eric is married and therefore knows lots of girls.)
So now I have a doctor’s appointment but I’m terrified to go. I’m sure there will be hateful swabbing and lancing and sticking and feeling. I just hate the doctor so much and in my heart of hearts believe that going there is what makes people sick.
Two things occur to me:
1) I am out of practice with being sick, possibly because I don’t stay out as late anymore and take vitamins, or possibly because we have a dishwasher and I am the anti-autoclave when I wash dishes by hand. Seriously, it’s amazing I’m not dead.
2) I’m a little nuts.
That last one is a shock to no one, but I think it’s sort of charming that it continues to surprise me.
September 1, 2009
Facebook Is Trying to Scare Me to Death
This is an actual ad from my Facebook profile:
I think I’d be fine with them owning my pictures* if I didn’t think this dude was looking at them.
* They don’t.
August 26, 2009
What I’ve Learned
The other day I was trying to pinpoint the real difference in my life now that I’m all coupled up and stuff. I have decided that it is this:
I now pull my hair out of the shower drain after I wash my hair.
This might not seem like much to you, but keep in mind that my hair likes to dred, especially when wet. A bit of my hair in the drain quickly snarls itself up into twice its original size and turns into this:
No one wants to live with shower tribbles.
